Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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