john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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