Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
