i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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