She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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