Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
