no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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