Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
