Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
