sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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