After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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