Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
