you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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