I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
