This is not my ceiling
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
