I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
