SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
