I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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