You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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