They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
