Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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