I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
