so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize