WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize