This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
