I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
