when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
