If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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