her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
