she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
