Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
