before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
