I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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