I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize