i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
