I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
