This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
