i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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