i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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