11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
