we have pet lesbian snakes
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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