It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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