My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
