dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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