I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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