i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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