I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
