jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
