Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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