Someone shit on the floor
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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