Fuck appropriateness.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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