Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
