i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
