Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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