I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
