Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
