You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
