I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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