I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He kissed a someone with a penis
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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