1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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