i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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