yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
