we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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