you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i now understand why vodka
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
