yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize