just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
