Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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