Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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