Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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