I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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