He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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