I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
