Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
