"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
