she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
