I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
