I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
