Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
