Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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