found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
