we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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