You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
