It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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